Station 5
Jesus, who helps me carry my cross
My husband and I struggled through 2 years of infertility after we got married. During that time, the constant appointments, supplements, charting, dieting, and lab tests were draining and made me wonder if I’d get to live out my dream of being a mom. It was agonizing to swing between hope and mourning every month and I remember pleading with God, “I can't carry this cross anymore. It's too heavy. Can't you carry it for me?” In my prayer, God answered, “Beloved, I am with you always” and I would see Him hunched over carrying the main body of the cross, while the part in my hands was actually very small.
So often in life, I forget that all through my suffering, God has already been walking with me, holding me up, even carrying me when I felt that I couldn't go on. He's not waiting on the sidelines for me to ask for help, nor is he waiting until I fail to jump in. He was there in my friends and family who weathered the pain with me. He was there in my prayer, building up the heart of surrender that would later carry me through 2 high risk pregnancies and the difficult early months of motherhood. Now when I gather my two girls in my arms I remember those years of waiting with gratitude for God’s plan that was so much bigger than I could see. I was so focused on the hardship I didn't see the great joy it was preparing me for. When all I saw was the cross, God saw the empty tomb.
Jesus, give me the courage to accept my cross and carry it by your side.
Patience to allow my heart to be transformed by suffering.
And trust to know that on the other side of that suffering will be deep and abiding joy.
Bethany [Southwest]